mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I need moral support for this bender
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
