I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
pop tarts are not kleenex
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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