Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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