I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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