I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
