If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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