i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
