Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
