i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
