apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
