Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
