This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
