Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My nipple is on Facebook.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
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