shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
