fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you didnt know i had herpes?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
