There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He kissed a someone with a penis
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize