If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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