i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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