i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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