I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
