Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
