sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
