Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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