You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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