I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
