Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize