i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
