hotel room ftw
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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