I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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