Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
