wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Shame - the story of my life.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
