I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
