Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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