I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
