I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
