Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You ate ashes out of my bong
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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