i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
