You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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