I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
