You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
