Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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