She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
