Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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