My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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