Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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