dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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