I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
