community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
