dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
