My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize