You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
