Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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