Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
