Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
