I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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