Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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