THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
