I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
