i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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