dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
