$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
