watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
