I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
