He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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