The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
