Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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