So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
