i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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